Friday, June 6, 2014

How to Get Fired in 12 Easy Steps

Now that the employment market is heating up again, I thought this might be a good time to add this great information to my blog. Through my extensive years in the employment industry I know there are a million articles on succeeding in the job market, but, very few about how to lose a job a few easy steps. Here is the best article you could ever read.

Oh, and if you want to stay employed, just do the opposite of everything below.

Arrive late for work
Being on time is for losers; get out of bed whenever you feel like it. Stop to run an errand on your way to the office and don’t call your supervisor.

Don't forget the coffee
No, not for your boss silly, for you! You're already late so why not stop for a cup of coffee on the way to work? Don't forget to get a muffin or a roll too and walk in holding both.

Eat at your desk
I mean your coffee and roll, not your lunch silly. Why would you want to work through lunch anyway? And even better, step out once you are settled in and grab a mid-morning snack, you're in no hurry to start working anyway.

Take a long lunch
only an hour for lunch? Are they crazy? There is no way that is enough time to get together with an old friend and run a few more errands. You know you can stretch it out for an extra 15 or 20 minutes

Have a cocktail
what is lunch without a Martini? Haven’t you watched MAD MEN? It'll relax you. So what if you smell like a brewery and act inappropriately?

Make personal phone calls
if you can't make your phone calls from the office, when else will you find the time? Oh, and use your cell phone with the crazy ringtone.

Speaking of chatting...
Let's not forget about the Internet or even better, the Intranet so you can chat any time of day, so why waste your precious personal time.

Send lots of email
Use those eight hours at work to take care of all that personal email. Oh and don't forget to use your work email address. Especially when sending out your resume to employment advertising.

Download and buy things online
your connection is much faster at work than on your home computer. And besides, there are some things you wouldn't want your significant other to see, now would you?

Make the customers/clients really mad
there are several ways to do this. If you deal with customers in person, ignore them while you talk to your co-workers. Don't have answers to their questions. If most of your contact is by phone, keep yours busy so clients can't get through. If they bother to leave a message, don't return their phone calls.

Don't ever go above or beyond your job description
even when a project is down to the wire and your help is desperately needed, just remember: "It's not your job." And you have waited 3 months to see the new twilight movie with your best friend.

Leave work early
who made that 5:30 pm rule anyway? If you leave 15 minutes early think of how much FASTER you can get ahead of rush hour traffic.

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